Dear fellow Ugandans, sons and daughters of the Pearl, hear this wisdom while there is still time: avoid dual citizenship.
Not because of patriotism. Not because of immigration complications. Not because embassies are expensive places where they ask too many questions.
Avoid dual citizenship because one day, completely by accident, you might fall in things.
Life is unpredictable. Today you are arguing with boda riders in Kira. Tomorrow you are drinking a milkshake at Bandali Rise. The day after that, a PDF starts circulating on WhatsApp. Before you even download it, your phone is exploding with calls.
“Congratulations, Honourable!”
You ask, “For what?”
Turns out you have just been appointed Minister of State for Something Important.
It happens. This country is full of surprises. One minute you are posting motivational quotes on X. The next minute you are taking an oath and trying to remember exactly where your constituency is located.
That is why dual citizenship is dangerous. You never know when your unique combination of confidence, networking skills and advanced kuyiliba will catch the eye of the appointing authority.
You may think you are just surviving. Others may see leadership potential.
The problem comes when they start doing background checks.
Imagine the heartbreak. The suits have already been tailored. Relatives have updated their bios. The village chairman has organised a thanksgiving service. Three cousins have requested jobs they are not remotely qualified for.
Then somebody discovers you have a second passport.
Just like that, your ministerial dreams disappear faster than free food at a workshop.
You become the blockade to your own success. A self-inflicted own goal.
This is why we must educate the youth. The current generation spends too much time discussing opportunities abroad. Canada this. Australia that. Germany here. America there.
My friend, have you considered the possibility of becoming a minister?
Have you imagined being invited to state dinners? Being photographed stepping out of a government vehicle while pretending to be surprised by the cameras?
These opportunities require sacrifice. Sometimes that sacrifice is refusing a second passport.
In fact, let us go further.
Avoid marrying foreigners.
Not because there is anything wrong with foreigners. Far from it. Love is beautiful. Borders are imaginary. Humanity is one.
However, research conducted entirely inside my imagination suggests marrying a foreigner dramatically increases your chances of accidentally acquiring another citizenship.
Next thing you know, you are living in London discussing mortgage rates and weather forecasts instead of strategically positioning yourself for national appointments.
Stay focused.
Marry locally. At least when your money disappears, it remains within the East African Community. That is what economists call regional integration.
Besides, your future supporters need access to you. How can we lobby for appointments if you are busy posting pictures from ski resorts?
We need you present, visible, available and ready to fall in things. Because let us be honest. The dream is not just yours, it is ours too.
When one Ugandan gets appointed, an entire ecosystem benefits. Old classmates suddenly remember your phone number. Long-lost relatives emerge from hiding. People who have not spoken to you since Senior Four begin messages with, “My dear brother.”
Entire villages develop expectations. Your success becomes community property.
That is why we are invested in your future. Not because we necessarily believe in your leadership abilities.
We are supporting you because one day we would like to ride in a government convoy without asking too many questions.
We would like invitations to high-level cocktail parties where nobody knows exactly why they were invited.
We would like selfies in front of important buildings, we would like opportunities.
Do this for the people.
Of course, avoiding dual citizenship is only one part of the strategy. You must also prepare academically.
The competition is fierce. A bachelor’s degree alone is no longer enough. These days everyone has one. You need a master’s degree. Perhaps even a PhD. The source is not important.
Whether the institution is globally renowned or operating from a suspiciously quiet office above a shopping arcade somewhere along Nkrumah Road is a discussion for another day.
What matters is commitment to the process. Frame the certificate, use the title, and correct people when they forget to address you properly.
Branding is everything.
And while we are discussing preparation, remain permanently available.
Do not disappear, do not relocate and do not become difficult to find.
History has taught us that opportunities often arrive without warning. Sometimes appointments happen while people are sleeping. Sometimes they happen during lunch.
Sometimes they happen when you are halfway through a plate of Kyadi’s infamous molokoni.
You must be ready.
What if the opportunity of a lifetime arrives while you are applying for permanent residency somewhere?
What if the appointing authority calls while you are learning how to drive on snow?
Think carefully. National service requires sacrifice.
The safest strategy is to remain exactly where you are.
Continue attending weddings., continue appearing at introductions, continue contributing to burial committees, and continue being visible at all strategic social gatherings.
Network relentlessly, shake hands generously, laugh at important people’s jokes.
The future belongs to those who position themselves correctly.
Some countries teach children to dream of changing the world. We quietly teach ours to remain available for appointments.
And when the day finally comes, when the PDF lands, the tweets start flying, and your photograph appears alongside a brand-new title, we shall celebrate together.
We shall proudly tell everyone we knew you before the appointment.
We shall claim credit for your success.
We shall attend your thanksgiving ceremony.
And we shall politely ignore the fact that six months earlier you were borrowing transport money.
Until then, stay vigilant.
Stay patriotic.
Stay available.
Most importantly, stay single-passported.
Because in this country, you never know when you might fall in things.
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